Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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