whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
