You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
