Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
