another moral hangover. fuck.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
