you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I woke up under a house in Key West
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
