Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
