i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
