he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
