I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
