i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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