So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
