Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
