she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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