Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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