You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
