Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
