Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
