Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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