She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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