What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
