dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
