Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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