It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
