i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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