Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
