He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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