i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
