You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
