haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
