If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
