I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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