My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
