If i come over, it means nothing
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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