Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Pants are for mortals
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
