There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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