The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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