I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
