i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
