This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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