This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
