Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
thus making me awesome and them whores
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
