I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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