she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
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