When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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