dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
