I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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