i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
