He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
