3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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